


it's 2am (feeling like i just lost a friend)

by strwbrrymuke



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Louis Has An Eating Disorder, M/M, Mental Health Issues, best friend - Freeform, friends - Freeform, harry has disordered eating habits, no romance i'm sorry it's one sided, song title from 'breathe' by taylor swift, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 18:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12965244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwbrrymuke/pseuds/strwbrrymuke
Summary: a story where harry loves louis but food and louis' mother gets in the way.





	it's 2am (feeling like i just lost a friend)

**Author's Note:**

> if you guys think this is sad, welcome to my life!
> 
> this sat in my folder for months and I hadn't touched it since april and then BOOM i picked it up and now there are 1043 words.
> 
> enjoy!

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to scream at Louis for being so stubborn and so blind. He wanted to yell at the students walking for looking at him strangely. He wanted to punch a wall because he just gets so freaking overwhelmed with annoyance. He wants to blame this on someone, but he blames it all on himself, even if this was happening before he knew Louis or even really had an impact on him.

He wants to stab himself in the stomach to take away the pain he gets every time he’s away from Louis. He wants to rewind time so he can go to a different high school and never meet Louis so he can live his life without thoughts of worry every single second but he knows that what is happening to Louis would still be happening, except no one would be in his position and Louis could be dead. 

Harry wants to stop listening to songs and only thinking about Louis when the lyrics are revealed. He wants to forget Louis but at the same time, all he wants to do remember is Louis. He wants to remember the blue-eyed boy’s cheeky smile and his laugh but all he can remember are the horrible words that Louis believes he is.

Harry was 90% sure that he was going insane. Cuddling the teddy each night to try and calm himself down, writing songs that repeat the same scenarios over and over again, thoughts that don’t even make sense and thinking of Louis at the worst possible times.

Louis had won that day. 

Tuesday: 1 point to Louis  
Wednesday: Now Louis is on 2 points

Harry was annoyed at himself but he bloody well knew that he couldn’t force Louis to do it because shoving the food into Louis’ mouth wouldn't help with anything. It would lead to Harry feeling like shit even though he knew in the back of his mind that he was doing the right thing.

He was scared of pushing too far and Louis leaving him because Harry knew that that would’ve been the last straw for himself.

How can you fall for someone who just manages to tear you apart?

How come we fall for the ones who can hurt us the most?

How come we manage to stick by the ones who we know will leave us at one point?

-

Harry was terrified of losing Louis and he knew that if Louis kept on eating too little, he’d waste away. 

Harry couldn’t fucking lose his other half.

He slowly began to feel guilty for every sandwich he ate and every piece of chocolate he had in his mouth as he laughed.

Yeah, maybe there were guys who had much thinner thighs then Harry and better abdominal muscles than him.

Okay, maybe Harry straight up hated his body. He wanted to lose weight and fit into those black ripped skinny jeans but everyone told him that he was amazing as he was, except he knew they were lying.

Harry didn’t know what calories were but Louis did.

24 hours without food seems impossible until you do it.

You can blame Louis’ mum for that (okay maybe a little harsh but still the truth).

The two were depressed.

Red, ugly artwork appeared on Harry’s wrists and a messed up mind that later on, was never sure if he’d be able to fix it and have a real smile on his face.

Louis’ mum doesn’t like Harry and then when she found out that Harry and Louis were still friends even after she told her son to stay away from the curly haired boy, my gosh was she annoyed.

Harry couldn’t take it and forced himself to start building a wall between the two best friends.

That morning after Louis’ mum had sent the text to the green-eyed boy, at school Louis was crying in Harry’s arms and there was nothing he could do about it. 

The scariest thing for Harry though was the feeling he had when he was holding Louis. Usually, Louis smelt and felt like safety and home, however, this time it was the complete opposite. Anxiety, worry and fear. That was what the scariest part for him (other than losing Louis however he was willing to face a fear in order to keep his best friend out of trouble) was.

Harry doesn’t know how that wall managed to stay up, but it did for two and a half days. 

On that Monday morning, he skipped breakfast. The events that had occurred the night before and in the ‘wee’ hours of the morning didn’t make him hungry at all.

Recess flew by and he didn’t talk to Louis but nor did either of them eat.

When lunch break rolled around, Harry gave Louis the song he wrote at 3 am and just as Louis had started to recover from the mental breakdown that had been going all day, it had returned except ten times more painful.

‘For me to never save you again’

Harry ran and couldn’t bear to see Louis’ reaction to the song.

You see, Harry didn’t eat till dinner because he was hurting and he wasn’t hungry.

He went 24 hours without eating and at the time he didn’t realise it but it was easy.

He didn’t know what calories were but everything went downhill when he became obsessed with numbers.

-

Tuesday was the same kind of thing except with a few softer smiles and letters but the wall was going up but slowly Harry was becoming tired of using up all his energy on maintaining that wall and making sure it stood strong.

-

Wednesday was ‘fuck all’.

By 1 pm Harry had fallen back into Louis’ arms as Harry drank the strawberry milk that Louis had paid for with his own money and forced Harry to drink because he hadn’t eaten, all while being surrounded by friends and playing uno (and Harry was also congratulating Louis on his great running).

As terrifying as it was, Harry felt somewhat safe again in Louis’ arms.

-

Harry knew better than to do what he did but you know what they all say:

‘If you can’t beat them, join them’.


End file.
